Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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