The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
