Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
