I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
