Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
