Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
