At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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