We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
