he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
