went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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