i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
