Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
