apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
