Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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