grandma shit on top of the toilet
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
