This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
