After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
