I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
