If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Someone shit on the floor
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
