he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
