White coat. Heels.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
