i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
