i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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