Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
