I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
