Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
