i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
