he looks like a really good dad on facebook
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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