Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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