Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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