i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
