check it out our google latitudes are spooning
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
