started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
