I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
