One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
