he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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