i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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