why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
