I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
