Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
