i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
