If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
