i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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