It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
