Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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