I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
