Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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