he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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