Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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