Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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