Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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