You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
