Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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